Christmas 2008
We had a wonderful Christmas Season this year. We stayed home and spent a lot of time together which is priceless. Our home was warm with laughter and joy as we spent time together. Ken was home for 11 days and I don't think he's ever been home that much since he finished college, it has been so nice for all of us! Now that he is back to work we are really missing him.
I am grateful for: My family and the warm spirit that has been in our home this season. I am also grateful for everyone who helped to make this Christmas so joyful!

President & Sister Eyring Visited our Youth Today!!!
What an amazing experience. Jessica did not want to leave the room where he was and said she couldn't leave and didn't know why. Well... of course, we know it was the amazing spirit that this Apostle of the Lord carries with him!

We tried to get everyone in the picture with President & Sister Eyring...

This is one of life's moments... as Jessica puts it, "That I will never ever forget!" President Eyring allowed our youth to "Ask an Apostle of the Lord anything you would like." Oh my goodness what a treat. I took notes but he asked us not to blog some of it so I will just share what touched me the most:

President Eyring was asked, "What advice would you give the youth:"

President Eyring told our youth “BE MORE CAREFUL!” He explained that when he was young he thought he was bullet proof and explained to our youth that they can not afford to think like that explaining that this is a very wicked world and they need to be very careful, not afraid, but careful. President Eyring told our youth to Pray that they will not be lead into temptation. He cautioned the youth about where they go and who they hang around and recounted a story he asked us not to blog... sighting how he know we were all bloggers and texters! LOL

I am grateful for: The gift to be in the presence of an Apostle of the Lord and to watch our youth as they asked questions. I am also humbled by the opportunity to watch my daughter be completely intent on every word President Eyring said and the blessing of having her come home with such excitement and a memory that will enrich her and go with her throughout her life!

MR. Mean!
OK... I'm not going to go into a long drawn out explanation of what has gone on over the last week. Short version... had another cancer scare a couple months ago... decided to do something about it instead of waiting for the inevitable! This wasn't an easy decision... but I can already tell that it was a great one and should have done it sooner.

So... I had surgery and the DR told Ken that I shouldn't do anything for at least 2 weeks! AUGH... why did he tell him??? Seriously... he's a Drill Sgt. and any time I get up I have to report what I'm doing!! I never thought that going to the restroom would be considered a "Jail Break!" Oh well, I still love him and he has done a fantastic job taking care of our home, the kids and feeding us all well!

Mr. Mean in action!!

Yes, this card requires some explanation. I got a care package in the mail from my sister Susan with a card that said, "Don't Open Unless You Can Take A Joke!"

The Rest explains itself. (I laughed so hard it hurt my stitches!)

My father came the night before surgery to help with the kids and did an awesome job! He ran the kids to and from school, art lessons, the aquarium, shopping and much more! They loved every minute of their time with Papa and Josh came home from the airport after dropping him off on Saturday in tears because he didn't want him to leave. I know how he feels. I really have a hard time when my family leaves after visiting. We really miss you dad... but thank you for helping to take care of our family so well!

I am grateful for: A wonderful family both my immediate family and extended family. I am grateful for a husband who really cares about my welfare and knows me good enough to know that if he didn't take the week off I wouldn't be behaving!! I am grateful for kids that are so fun to be around and I love every moment I have with them... even the fighting. I am grateful for my sister who listens to all my emotions and knows how to make me giggle. I am grateful for a father who is always a dad to his little girl no matter how old I get.

Walking 360˚
Today completed one of those "full circles" in life for me and I need to journal this. When Josh was born at 31weeks he had several birth anomalies that kept him in the hospital for 3 months. 24 hours after he was born we were told by his doctor, "We've got him on full support, there is nothing more we can do. Now would be a good time to have your family come to see him." The Lord obviously put a veil over Ken & my eyes because we were throwing a party and calling everyone to come see him... it wasn't until a couple years later that we realized what the doctor was trying to say. LOL

Anyways, we left the hospital with Josh, who had experienced brain trauma and was suffering from significant hypotonia, to an unknown future that involved lots of doctor appointments, developmental interventions, physical therapy and occupational therapy. At one point when he was about 5 months old his physical therapist told me that a great goal would be for him to try to raise his head, several months later we were worried about walking and told we'd just have to wait and see. I was always so worried that he wouldn't be able to walk by himself... but then, he walked, then climbed, then ran!

He has been an anxious child so... you guessed it, I'm a hovering mother. Why bring this up right now? This week Josh announced that he was going to WALK the almost mile home from school all up hill (no joke!) on Friday. I told him I would meet him at the school and follow him because it would probably be too far and he'd get really tired (he still has some hypotonia). When I headed to the school he had already started up the hill. I turned the car around and started to follow him asking part way if he was tired. Josh turned around and looked at me and said, "MOM... I'm doing it just fine," then proceeded to walk the rest of the way home all the way up the steep hill.

Today wasn't all about walking... if you know Josh and me... you understand what this was about. Josh walked home by himself today, this was not just a physical triumph for us... but so much more!

I am grateful for: My son, and the miracle that I've witnessed over the last 9 years that has taught me so much about the human spirit!

I Love ya Susan!

OK... I feel the strong need to "journal" about my sister Susan. I want her to know how much of a strength she is in my life and those around her. I admire her ability to get it all out and move on http://www.yatescircus.blogspot.com/! She has an amazing family, I love all of her children and her little Lily carries such a sweet spirit and I really enjoy being around her. I know why these children picked Susan as a mother... Susan has the strength in her to move mountains! :) Over the past few years Susan has moved her family into healthy eating and exercise and made an amazing transformation that at times can be envied by those around her. I truly feel that she has been prepared as a mother to care for the special needs of her children and I feel blessed to witness this transformation, it strengthens my personal testimony about how the Lord prepares us... and gives us what we need to overcome trials that may come our way!

I am grateful for: The wonderful example of my sister and the chance to grow from watching her example! Susan- you'll never truly know what you mean to me, I love you!

Love you... and Like You... goodnight!
August 12, 1979-December 9, 2001

Robert use to call this out every night to my mother. As I look back on what he was saying, he realized the difference and the value in loving someone and liking them too. Sometimes I wish I could ask him why he started this... what he felt or experienced to make this so important to him. This was something that he started as a very young boy that taught all of us (and still is) the value in our relationships with each other. The Holidays have been hard the last 8 years and I realize that the Christmas Spirit IS finding joy in those you love.
http://www.byui.edu/scroll/archive/121801/03.html
In Memorium
Remembering Robert Hilliard
by Carl Niel Ekman IIIScroll Staff


Robert Hilliard, 22, died Dec. 9 of strep-induced bacterial meningitis.


The BYU-Idaho sophomore from Aurora, Colorado, was scheduled to graduate in nursing at the end of the semester.


Hilliard was described by friends as a very happy person. He seemed to make those around him happy, too. His most famous quote was “hey beautiful,” which he loved to use on girls.


“He always had a compliment for you,” Teresa Simpson, a sophomore from Vidor, Texas, said. “That’s probably the thing I’ll remember most: his smile and the ‘hey beautiful.’”


He would come over at least two meals out of the day and say ‘anybody want to go Wendy’s?’” Andrea Mora, a freshman from Detroit, Mich., and a good friend of Rob’s, said. “If we’d already eaten he would convince us to eat another dinner or just come along for the ride.”


A memorial service was organized for Rob on the Monday following his death, while his father and brother were still in town.


President David Bednar and other speakers talked of his life, death and especially of the memories of Rob. The service included music from From the Heart, such as “My Heavenly Father Loves Me.”


Rob’s brother, Bill, spoke of how Rob affected him.


“He inherited my cheesy grin, but I inherited a lot more from him.” Bill said. “Call your parents tonight. Please, call your brothers and sisters.”


Rob’s father, Mike stood and talked about his wife’s death just a year before. He also explained that the Spirit had spoken peace to his heart during the service.


Hilliard’s father said that in Robert’s patriarchal blessing he had received a promise saying that “the time will come for you to serve a mission for your Heavenly Father. You shall be called by a prophet of God to a place you desire, one you are not expecting at this time or even thinking about. When your call comes you will know; it is not only the desire of the Lord, but your desire also.”


Not having felt that this promise was fulfilled by his mission to Fort Lauderdale, Fla., Rob had many conversations with his father about the meaning of what was said in the blessing.


“During the Memorial Service, as Elder Bednar was speaking, this promise came back to me and the thought came clearly to my mind that ‘this is the mission he is to serve for his Heavenly Father.’ A wonderful feeling of peace came over me, and the sting of Robert’s passing was now gone. Sure, it hurt to lose him. My feelings remained quite tender and tears still came, but through a merciful Father in Heaven, I was granted the blessing of knowing through the soft whisperings of the Spirit, that Robert’s sudden passing was by divine design,” Mike said.


Rob made so many good memories for his friends. “He just lived to serve anyone,” Mora said.
Simpson said, “If I could say anything [to Rob], I’d say thank you... for everything.”
All material posted on Scroll eNews is property of BYU-Idaho Scroll.Contact mailto:scrollinternet@byui.eduwith comments or problems.


I am grateful for: The opportunity to know such an amazing person and to learn from his example. I am grateful that he was our family's peacemaker... we need him so badly and miss him so much. I am thankful for his example of love and liking someone and realize that I need to work harder at both.

Thanksgiving 2008
We wen't to G'pa & G'ma Hilliard's in Midway, UT and had a blast with all the family, they are amazing host and always make sure everyone is taken care of! Thank you G'ma & G'pa for being such great hosts!! It is so much fun to be together with family and just enjoy each other. All of the kids got along so good and there was not one fight!!! I find this amazing. It is so hard to go home and say goodbye knowing that it will be awhile until you see everyone again.

Lily LOVES everyones camera and is ready for cheese at any time!

The boys hanging out downstairs... can you find Lily?

Ken & Debi

Ready to eat!

The girl's table!

Great times on G'pa's Green!

Getting ready!

I am grateful for: G'parents who value family and help keep us all together, are amazing host, and really love all of their children and grandchildren and try really hard to make each and every one of us feel important. I am grateful for my siblings and all of the cousins and the memories that we are making each year as we collide together during the holidays. I am grateful for families and the fact that we can be together forever.

Josh & Jesi at the Conference Center in SLC

Josh, Ken, Debi, Jesi at the Conference Center
Josh & Jesi in front of the Conference Center Water Fall

Jesi, Debi, Josh on the roof of Conference Center overlooking SLC Temple

Jesi, Josh, Ken on roof of Conference Center

The Cousins hanging out in G'ma & G'pas theater

Ken, Great G'ma Ruby & Debi

Reed, Jared & Josh

Jesi & Ashley

TEENAGER IN THE HOUSE!
Jessica is now officially a teenager! Auuughhhh! She is definitely working hard at making sure we all know that she is a teenager :) This year we asked and asked what she wanted to do for her birthday and she wouldn't give us any suggestions. She ended up going to the movies on Friday with some friends and had them sleep over. So, we had to choose another night to take her out to dinner and give her gifts... followed by her birthday cake at home later.

I can't believe how fast the years are going now. She reminds us frequently that we only have 4 more summers before she graduates from high school. It actually makes me kind of sad because that is my favorite part of summer is having my kids around all day. I am glad though that she dreams of plans for her future and wants to be independent... hopefully she can be patient (me too)! She is having a great year at school and has some really good friends... one of them she is conspiring with to go to college in England.... we'll see about that! We are so proud of all that she has accomplished this year... she's gotten great grades, made lots of new friends, helps me around the house and is becoming a great painter (she's been taking lessons).

I am grateful for: My little girl... she would argue this but I still see that little bouncy toddler in her and every time she gives her little "cheese" like in the picture above I see my little Jesi! I am grateful for a daughter who is such a good example to me and makes really good choices. I am grateful for her perseverance and how she toughs a lot of things out that I don't know if I could. I love her so much!

Still Missing You Mom...
I debated if I would do this post... because I'm already in tears. November 21st is the anniversary of my mother's death, the celebration of my daughters birth along with the birthday of my mother-in-law. Three important women in my life have left lasting impacts on this one day of the year.

I really haven't journalized the events of November 21st, 2000 when I lost my mother. Ken and I were living here in Monterey County when I had a very brief scattered discussion with my mother on that Monday morning. She was in noticeable pain and couldn't really converse. I was drenched in tears and knew that her time was very short. The last thing she told me is that she was proud of me and I was a good mother... something that meant so much to me coming from her. I quickly called Ken at work to come home because we needed to get on the road.

The ride was soooo long and very quiet. We stopped to sleep for 3 hours since it was a 23 hour ride and we were exhausted. As we pulled into rush hour in the Denver Metro area Ken was speeding around cars on the shoulder when I had this very calm, peaceful feeling engulf me and I turned to Ken and said, "It's OK, slow down."

As we pulled up to my parents home everyone was standing on the front porch. (Cell phones were pretty new and we hadn't got one yet.) When I saw everyone, I knew. The pain of losing mom was noticeable without any words. Come to find out, she had passed 15 minutes prior to our arrival... approximately the time I asked Ken to slow down.

As I entered their home I saw that my little sister Susan (who had done most of her care taking when my father was away) had decorated for Jessica's 5th Birthday in the dinning room while feeling the pains of loosing our mother in the back room, she is such a wonderful person.

My little brother Robert was the one present with my mother when she slipped away, they were especially close as my little brother had some serious health issues growing up that required a lot of time from my mother. Little did we know... he would follow her 12 months later.

A lot has happened in the past 8 years. It is still so hard to believe she is gone. I have this rubbermaid bin of old stuff from her that had her smell... all mom's have their sweet smell. When we moved from Yuma, AZ to Camarillo, CA I openned it to "smell" mom and it was gone. Oh boy... that makes me cry thinking of it. It's so funny how a simple smell can make you feel loved, and secure, and bring back so many memories.

I am grateful for: My mom and the legacy she left, all of the things she taught me, her patience and frustration, her willingness to hang in there, her strong desire to be a good mother and to improve on what she knew. She always tried to put us kids first making huge sacrifices along the way.

The Look of Love!

I need to journal this for myself, I give anyone reading this fair warning that it is sappy and speculative! Yesterday I was joking around with Jessica in the family room and looked up at Ken sitting at the table staring at me. His face was, I don't know... peaceful maybe, and he had this smile... it wasn't a typical smile. He had this same look a couple weeks ago when he was listening to me talk when I asked him, "Why are you looking at me that way?" He responded, "Your beautiful, I love you.... WHAT?"

So... I was at our Youth Bishop Discussion (AKA Fireside) last night when the Bishop asked me to talk about the qualities that attracted me to Ken. When I sat down I found myself pondering this "look" he'd given me and realized that it was the kind of look I've seen little old men give their wives as they watch them!

So... is this the look of love or exhaustion? Because with a brief stare I felt so warm and cared for... no words, just a look?

Veteran's Day Tide-pooling!
Our friends the Gill's called us up on Veteran's day to go tide-pooling! Loved it... the tide was low and the critters were abundant!

Sierra, Jessica, Aaron & Joshua

Lots of starfish Jessica... always running away from the camera!Josh playing with the GIANT kelp... he loves the stuff!I yelled at Josh to get down... then said WAIT... I want a pix first :) I am grateful for: Last minute excursions with friends!

We've been SO busy!
Life has been really busy the last few weeks with all the mommy stuff, school, V'teaching, Prop 8, wrestling, art lessons and YW's but I love every moment! I finally decided that I needed to take a moment today and update the blog... since it is my journal and I want to print it in January! I'm so thrilled that I've managed to post at least twice a month... I don't know why this system works for me but it does!! Thanks Susan for getting me started. We've been up to a lot of random things... but here's a few:

Jessica & Joshua making egg noodles for homemade Chicken Noodle Soup

Um... Josh finally watched Speed Racer and next thing we knew he had made this out of cardboard!

I am grateful for: Being busy... it can be crazy but there is so much to be said for feeling like you have accomplished something. I am grateful for the time I have been blessed with to get everything done!! I know where it is coming from and I am so deeply grateful to the Lord.