Still Missing You Mom...
I debated if I would do this post... because I'm already in tears. November 21st is the anniversary of my mother's death, the celebration of my daughters birth along with the birthday of my mother-in-law. Three important women in my life have left lasting impacts on this one day of the year.

I really haven't journalized the events of November 21st, 2000 when I lost my mother. Ken and I were living here in Monterey County when I had a very brief scattered discussion with my mother on that Monday morning. She was in noticeable pain and couldn't really converse. I was drenched in tears and knew that her time was very short. The last thing she told me is that she was proud of me and I was a good mother... something that meant so much to me coming from her. I quickly called Ken at work to come home because we needed to get on the road.

The ride was soooo long and very quiet. We stopped to sleep for 3 hours since it was a 23 hour ride and we were exhausted. As we pulled into rush hour in the Denver Metro area Ken was speeding around cars on the shoulder when I had this very calm, peaceful feeling engulf me and I turned to Ken and said, "It's OK, slow down."

As we pulled up to my parents home everyone was standing on the front porch. (Cell phones were pretty new and we hadn't got one yet.) When I saw everyone, I knew. The pain of losing mom was noticeable without any words. Come to find out, she had passed 15 minutes prior to our arrival... approximately the time I asked Ken to slow down.

As I entered their home I saw that my little sister Susan (who had done most of her care taking when my father was away) had decorated for Jessica's 5th Birthday in the dinning room while feeling the pains of loosing our mother in the back room, she is such a wonderful person.

My little brother Robert was the one present with my mother when she slipped away, they were especially close as my little brother had some serious health issues growing up that required a lot of time from my mother. Little did we know... he would follow her 12 months later.

A lot has happened in the past 8 years. It is still so hard to believe she is gone. I have this rubbermaid bin of old stuff from her that had her smell... all mom's have their sweet smell. When we moved from Yuma, AZ to Camarillo, CA I openned it to "smell" mom and it was gone. Oh boy... that makes me cry thinking of it. It's so funny how a simple smell can make you feel loved, and secure, and bring back so many memories.

I am grateful for: My mom and the legacy she left, all of the things she taught me, her patience and frustration, her willingness to hang in there, her strong desire to be a good mother and to improve on what she knew. She always tried to put us kids first making huge sacrifices along the way.