2,448 miles away...

It's 6:30 am Saturday morning and I've been up since... well, I don't think I ever went to sleep. I've been puffing my inhaler all night and then had to get Jessica up at 4:30 am to be to the church by 5:15 am for our youth baptism trip... which I decided not to go on since Ken has been going to Ohio every other week and I felt strongly that I should be home. (Besides... I don't feel well either and don't think my blurry eyes should be on the road!)

Anyways... I went to the church and made sure everyone was there and the rides were taken care of. I watched as everyone loaded up and one by one the cars left the parking lot with me leaving last. As we got to the stop sign outside the gate, everyone turned left while I exited right and then, it hit me. My eyes swelled up and I wanted to say, "Wait... please, I want to go!" We have some of the sweetest YW in our ward whom I really love and have been so humbled to serve as their YW President. I am beside myself wondering how things can change so fast... we haven't even planted our feet. This morning was more of a metaphor of sorts as I realized how hard it is going to be for us to MOVE AGAIN. Yes, we are moving AGAIN! 2,448 miles away.

I have told my sister and parents that I'm not really feeling any emotion about this and was wondering what my issue was but OH, I can barely see through the tears right now because this morning I got it. I have had to meet, love and leave so many people over the last 3 1/2 years that I can hardly comprehend doing this for the 4th time in less than 4 years! But... I have to put the positive spin on the pain that leaving causes... what if I never got to meet and love all of these wonderful people. I can hardly imagine my life without the experiences that the Lord has blessed our family with over the last 3+ years... but I am a bit tired.

I have expressed that I feel like I am on the "Last Leg" of a race and that I just have to keep pushing through even though my side is cramped, my feet are blistered, my soul is aching, and I can't see the finish line. While Ken and I have fasted and prayed about this and have received the confirmation that this is something that we are suppose to do, I have been overcome at times by a feeling that I can't, I just need to sit down and take a break, the finish line can wait. It was in this moment that I was putting this metaphor together in my head that I felt a gentle peace come over me that reassured me that the wind will come up and grab my sail and carry me through this next leg of the race.

Well, there must be opposition in all things. We must know the bad to know the good and this morning the emotions checked in and this is going to be really hard. I love the YW and YW leaders that I have been so blessed to serve with and it hurts that I have to turn right when they are going left because our paths are taking us to different places; however, I do find great joy in knowing that these paths do come full circle and that we will be able to share each others presence once again someday.

My children have been so good about the changes that have come their way the last 3+ years. Yes, we've had tears and they are feeling the same sorrows but I am so blessed to have them on this journey. I can not even believe how much all of us have grown over the last 3+ years and we have added so many amazing treasures to our friendship chest.


Our Bishop in Yuma told me when we left that the Lord had a reason for us to leave... I guess I just assumed that when we went to Camarillo and left so soon arriving in Monterey that this was the purpose; however, our Bishop here told Ken and I when we talked to him about our move that the Lord has already prepared the way for our arrival to Ohio. This brings tears to my eyes because the Lord has really protected our family and blessed us as we have pushed through and held on. So, here I am, quietly submitting my will to the Lord that yes, I will go where he wants me to go.

So... I am grateful for: A wonderful husband who puts up with my craziness, who has worked so hard to take care of our family, who is successful and motivated and who holds tight to my hand pulling me through. Ken is my tether... he holds tight to my rope letting it out when the weather's good and reeling it in when the winds come and the clouds burst. I am grateful for my sister who brings me back to reality and helps me navigate through my emotional bulk. I am grateful for parents who have walked right beside our family, surrounding us with hope, as we push through. I am ever so grateful for the opportunity I have to be a mother to two wonderful children who have been really good sports. I am so grateful for all the wonderful friends we have made and the joy that they have brought to our lives.